Monday, May 15, 2006
yay. exam's over. wee.
okay. exams are over. i did have fun today. so thanks mui, aishu and junqiang. the pastamania-ing, the movie-ing, the spastic-ing, the way home-ing. yea. thanks a lot. if not for you guys, i'ld have probably been alone. oh well.
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but i learnt a very important lesson today. one that i've learnt before, but seemed to have forgotten. and now, i learn again. but i guess it's a little too late huh. i wont mention names here, nor would i push the blame to anyone. i have no one to blame but myself. why was i so naive? so gullible. to think i could actually find someone to talk to. seriously, when i first told you that, i felt like "hey! finally, someone i can tell what i never dared tell anyone before!" and you didnt even make me feel bad or laugh at me when i told you that horrible truth about myself the horrible truth that i darent tell anyone, that i have never dared tell anyone in my entire life. well, it isnt really a horrible truth. i wouldnt wanna give to much info here. horrible truth's just the best word i can think of right now. anyway, back to the point. i dont care if you did tell anyone else, or whatever excuse or reason, if you'ld like to call it that way, you give. i dont want to know either. like i said, i'm not gonna push the blame. i've only me, myself and i to blame. why did i have to go around blabbering? why couldnt i just shut up? havent i already learnt that lesson? that shutting up is better most of the time? well, obviously i forgot. and i'll make sure i never forget that ever again. i'm gonna shut myself up. i'm not gonna tell anything to anyone. i will not trust anyone. sure, i'll have friends. but i wont tell them anything close to my heart. i wont tell them anything risky. i'll just keep everything to myself. and i mean everything. who cares if people think i'm an introvert. does it matter? at least i wont have such shitty problems coming up. not that shitty problems are coming up. but they will. it's just a matter of time. why was i sooo stupid? what made me think that a secret could stop at a person? c'mon. gosh i'm so dumb! yes people, wanna say i'm stupid? i'm dumb? go ahead. now's a very nice time to say i'm dumb. cause i am. i really am. goshhhhh. i cant believe it. you know what? i really need that time machine now. i wanna turn back time. i wanna turn myself into a person that wouldnt say anything. a person that can survive shutting up. seriously! if i didnt say anything from the start. none of this would have happened. but NOOOOO!!! i just had to talk so much about myself. yes. i got myself into this pithole. i just couldnt shut my trap, could i. and thank you to that particular person. i'm not trying to be sarcastic here. i'm not. if not for this wake up call, who knows what else i'ld have said, and get myself into deeper shit. what's the worst part? i cant bear to not talk to you. i'm not angry at you. i dont hate you. i really dont. i'm just very, VERY, confused now. as if i wasnt confused enough before. argh. yes, i'm frustrated. i'm frustrated at myself. i'm angry at myself. not anyone else, but myself. maybe i aint that angry at flustered by such stuff, as i was before, because i'm numb to it already. but little missy here just wouldnt learn her lesson. she just didnt wanna learn her lesson. little missy is me by the way. why didnt i listen to those around me? i guess it's true when they say you're already lucky if you have one close friend. cuz some might never find them at all. tsktsk. and of all days for this to come, it has to come right when the exams ended. i have so many things on my mind. but i dont know how to put them to words. way to celebrate the end of exams huh.
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so you people think you have problems? c'mon. suck it up. everyone's got problems. arent i sucking my problem up too? you cant expect life to be smooth-sailing. if it was, you'll never appreciate the happy part of your life. soooo. i'll just wait, and wait, and wait, for this tormenting period of my life to go to past. and hopefully, the fun part will come soon after. i hope.
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to all those people out there having a better time than i am right now? enjoy it while you can. heh. and cheerios. exams are over. wee. -.-
simple/elpmis
7:28 PM
